Speak
by A Quarter Past
Summary: or, Why the Doctor Never Gets it on with Humans. COMPLETE


Disclaimer:Never mine. Alas. Woe.

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**Speak**

(or, _Why the Doctor Never Gets it on with Humans_)

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i

He never stopped talking.

To say that Donna was used to it would be a gross overstatement. _No one_ ever gets used to the person they are having sex with chattering away at a thousand words per minute (maybe a little less than a thousand, it varied depending on the mood).

What he said had no particular meaning, either. A little bit of quantum theory here, a little bit of metaphysics down there. The best (because she _did _have to have a sense of humor about this) was when he'd given her a lecture about ethnic politics on the planet of Moare _while_ trying to seduce her. Warnings of genocide and definitions of partition weren't what made the experience hilarious in hindsight. It was the fact that she had been so frustrated and it had _worked_ (he'd only made it as far as consociational-whatever-you-call-it…and then it was right into bed with them). She'd show him interethnic cooperation..

"Have…I….ever told you…that…"

"Doctor…"

"That…the universe…is a holograph?"

Donna, fully realizing that this was just going to happen, that there was no stopping it, and that his foreplay lecture was – for the first time in three weeks – promising to be a short one if she could interrupt him in time, pushed him onto the couch with a little more force than necessary. If it was one thing she knew about her spaceman, it was that he liked force.

"Nope. Don't think you have."

A hand stole up the front of her shirt as he shot her a crooked grin, "Yep. One _big_ holograph."

Donna rolled her eyes at his euphemism and made short work of his jacket. At least he was feeling playful tonight; some of the things that tumbled out of his mouth when he was in a particular mood was…well, off-putting.

"Okay, got it, the world…"

"Universe…"

"Excuse me, universe, is a holograph. The physics will get lost on me; let's just have sex."

The sound of air forcing itself out of his lungs as she shoved him onto his back was endearing; he didn't make it enough in her opinion. In fact, sometimes she was absolutely certain he never took the time to breathe during these moments. Which made him turn this funny shade of red, but that really really really was beside the point…

ii

"..it turns it this peculiar shade of magenta just seconds before the waves crash into the shore. The Telermon have very strong skeletal structures, so the pressure of the wave as it hits them doesn't kill them, and…"

Donna blew the hair out of her face and gave him a sharp smack on the cheek, "Focus."

iii

He was nattering away again.

Donna didn't mind pillow talk on occasion – in fact, she downright encouraged it (better to have a talkative man than one that always rolled over and snored) – but this was just ridiculous. She didn't _care_ that the moons orbiting Kolare-something-with-too-many-syllables were all made of gold and, when their orbits managed to align once every twelve hundred thousand years, their collective mass made the PLANET orbit THEM (…which was pretty cool, actually, but she was _exhausted_ and wanted to sleep).

"Doctor…"

"Scientists have studied it for centuries; they're pretty sure it breaks the laws of physics and something else is at work…"

"Doctor."

"And something _is_, but even I don't know what…"

"DOCTOR!"

That caught his attention. Looking a tad bit affronted and a lot more sheepish, the Doctor rolled onto his side and peered at her, "Sorry. Were you saying something?"

In hindsight, the question she asked in turn really did seem to be lacking all sorts of tact. I mean, there must be some etiquette to approaching your alien lovers about their…problems…Some sort of book that outlined what to do and when to do it. Even if there were, though, Donna Noble would have probably only just used it to smack him over the head with, "Do you have some sort of sexual disease?"

"Excuse _me!_"

"Some disorder? Is this gonna happen to me! You better hope not! I can't afford to…"

The Doctor had begun to splutter, and when he shot up into a sitting position, he even took the extra care to make sure the sheet blocked the view, "I…I…I…"

"You…you…you," she said again, sitting up as well, "you _never _stop talking. At first I thought it was nerves, but its been months and nerves don't last that long! Or they shouldn't anyway!"

He seemed to be stuck on the, "I…I…I…" and then made a run for it.

iv

It was much later. Much much much later (after a fair bit of running and galaxy saving) that they were sitting quietly over a cup of tea. He wasn't angry with her per se, but there wouldn't be very much canoodling in the near future. Not until she learned the art of tuning out his voice, or he figured out how to put a cap on his odd ramblings:

"We establish a telepathic link."

"What?"

"…Gallifreyans, we establish a telepathic link…uh…during…you know…" there was a faint blush dotting the Doctor's cheek as he quickly sipped on the still very scalding tea.

"You use telepathy…during sex? Huh," she thought about it for a moment, turning her cup with her fingers, "I…really can't say that surprises me, what, with all that talking. Do you bombard each other with useless information as well…?"

He considered this, but eventually shook his head, "Emotions. Brief glimpses of memories. Interests. It's supposed to assist with the bonding…"

"Can't you just establish a link with me?"

"I could…" he said thoughtfully, a rather mischievous glint in his eyes…

"….but…" She pressed, knowing that expression and how it usually worked in a conversation. _Deadpan alert_ it screamed, just like a bloody fog horn at a football match.

"I could, but it'd fry your brain. Burn it up. Extra crispy Donna brains!"

"Clearly there has to be some reasonable solution to th–"

"–Ssssssszzzzzzz….!"

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**Author's Note: **Another story posted late – this was written some months ago for **tkelparis** over at livejournal. It's clearly AU with a backhand at cannon. I've started the slow process of housekeeping, and I keep realizing that I don't post everything I put there here (and vice versa).


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